Should You Disclose That You’re Divorced on Dating Apps and Sites?April 1, 2021
Should you disclose that you’re divorced on dating apps and sites? The simple answer is this: YES. You should 100% disclose that you’re divorced and get it out of the way as quickly as possible.
Trust and communication are two of the biggest things when it comes to building a good foundation in a relationship. If you don’t disclose that you’re divorced early on, then you are starting out a relationship with dishonesty, or at least an omission of the truth.
Of course, I understand letting potential dates know you are divorced can be easier said than done. That’s why this article is here to walk you through the ways that you go about disclosing your divorce on dating apps and sites, as well as some considerations you should keep in mind before venturing into the dating world post-divorce.
Should I Disclose That I’m Divorced on Dating Sites & Apps
Consideration: How Divorced Are You?
When you say that you’re divorced, do you mean that you have finalized your divorce or are you legally separated? If you are legally separated, I hate to break it to you, but you are not divorced. You are still legally married and it’s best that you avoid dating until everything is official.
It’s understandable that you would want to get back out in the dating world and find someone right for you when you have made the decision that the person you committed to was not the right person. But if you put yourself back on the market before the divorce is official, you’re asking for complications.
Women who are looking for a stable relationship are going to be very wary of a guy who is still technically married. And things become a bit murky when it comes to explaining the separation to women. You want to start off a relationship with honesty and you also want to start a relationship when you aren’t in a complicated situation.
You also need to take inventory of your feelings when you are legally separated and shortly after the divorce becomes finalized. Even if you were the person to initiate the divorce or have been wholly accepting that your marriage was not meant to last, it is normal to go through a grieving process.
Make sure that you have taken time to heal following your divorce. Getting back in the dating world when you are still grieving will inevitably taint any relationships you begin to pursue.
Tips for Disclosing Your Divorce
Tip #1: Be Positive
This is one of the most important things to keep in mind when it comes time to disclose that you’re divorced on dating apps and sites. You don’t want to write a bio or tagline that’s bemoaning how difficult it is to put yourself back out there now that you’re divorced. Women (and, well, most people in the adult world) don’t like negativity and seeing a guy be negative in his dating app or site profile is going to be treated with a hard pass/left swipe.
Remember that there is a lot of competition in the online dating world, particularly when you’re a man. Women get inundated with messages each day, so they have the opportunity to be much more selective. They’re not going to waste any time on a guy with a profile that is unimpressive or negative.
Don’t present your divorce like this terrible chapter in your life, something to be ashamed of, or a failure. Remember that a whopping 40 to 50% of American marriages end in divorce. It’s not something that is uncommon or even considered taboo in this day and age.
When you disclose your divorce on dating apps, present it in a way that lets women know you have grown and learned from your divorce. Remember that going through a marriage and getting divorced gives you more insight on what to look for in a relationship, what to avoid and how to handle opposition.
Tip #2: Don’t Bash Your Ex
When you disclose your divorce, don’t bash your ex. Even if you hate your ex and she was some kind of emotionally abusive monster, don’t bring past drama and resentments into your new relationship.
If you display anger toward your ex, not only are you going to overwhelm a woman who doesn’t even know you yet, you’re going to come off as someone who is not over their previous relationship. Remember, women will be wary of a man who seems to have lingering feelings for someone or is carrying around emotional baggage from a past relationship.
If you’re extremely angry with your ex, work to resolve that outside of the dating world. Consider seeing a professional counselor if a heartbreak is affecting your everyday life, enlist the support of trusted friends and practice self-care.
And when it comes to dating, show the women you’re with that you are emotionally available by keeping things positive and not dragging your ex through the mud.
Tip #3: If You Have Kids, Disclose That as Well
If you have children, you definitely want to let women know that from the start. There may be women who don’t want to date a man with a child. Other women may not want children of their own and don’t want to deal with the potential role of being a stepparent, so they will choose to pass on an opportunity to date you.
But remember this — you don’t want to date those women anyway.
When you disclose that you’re divorced and also let women know that you have kids, your transparency weed out anyone who considers children a dealbreaker. This way, you don’t have to waste your time chatting or meeting someone who is inevitably not going to be the right partner for you.
Also, remember that being a good father is actually something that is extremely appealing to women. In fact, a man who has proven he is a good father is downright sexy according to (I’m approximating) roughly 100% of all members of the female species.
And if you don’t believe me, know that there is an entire Instagram account dedicated to hot dads in Disney World.
Don’t be shy about disclosing you’re a dad. Own it and be proud of it, and women will respond positively to that.
Tip #4: How to Disclose You’re Divorced in Your Dating Bio
Some dating websites and apps allow you to select your marital status from a drop-down menu so that it is publicly displayed. In these cases, selecting “Divorced” allows you to easily and plainly disclose this piece of information to anyone who comes across your profile.
But other apps don’t give you this option, which leaves the disclosure completely up to you. It can seem tricky to disclose that you’re divorced in your bio, because your online dating bio is supposed to be the place that you let ladies know about what makes you unique, your passions and reasons that you’re a catch. It can seem awkward to just stick a line about divorce in your bio, but it can be done.
Here are a few examples of taglines you could use to concisely disclose that you’re divorced:
- “I’ve learned a lot from my previous marriage and divorce, and I feel ready and confident to move forward with someone special.”
- “Previously married and armed with maturity, wit, and a mean sense of style. Ready to find Mrs. Right.”
- “Full disclosure: I’m divorced and have learned a lot from that experience. I’m excited for this next chapter of my life and can’t wait to share it with an amazing woman.”
- “For the sake of transparency (honesty is the new black, amirite ladies?), I’d like to let you know I’m divorced, happy and excited to meet someone special. Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, let’s delve into the serious issues: ranch or blue cheese?”
You don’t have to use these verbatim, but do you notice some of the keywords I used here? When disclosing your divorce, you want to give women a sense that this experience is one chapter in your life that gave you the knowledge and experience you needed to move forward. Presenting information about your divorce in this way makes you seem mature, committed and stable.
Tip #5: Disclosing Divorce in Online Messages
If you feel super uncomfortable putting divorce in your bio, at the very least, disclose your divorce before you go on an actual first date with a woman. Trust me, you want to be able to establish that the woman you’re going out with is cool with you being divorced (which she should be). The anticipation of the first date with someone you met online is enough to elicit some nervousness, so why put even more pressure on yourself by failing to disclose that you’re divorced?
Find an appropriate time (don’t wait too long) when you’re messaging a woman to let her know that you are divorced. You could say something like this:
“So, I just want to let you know upfront that I’m divorced. There’s no drama there and I’ve moved on from it, but I’m a big fan of honesty, so wanted to let you know.”
Don’t make a big thing out of it or go on and on about it. If she asks you questions, answer honestly but remember to keep things light and positive.
Need Individual Support?
The dating world is intimidating for most everyone and dating after divorce adds another layer to this intimidation. But remember that there is nothing to be ashamed of and that going through a divorce does not have to prevent you from finding love that will last a lifetime.
If you would like more individualized advice on dating after divorce (I’ve coached & matched hundreds of divorced guys), head over to my calendar and book a new client 1-on-1 Zoom session with me or one of my colleagues today.
During your session, we’ll discuss your dating history, your goals in the dating world and setbacks that you feel have kept you from reaching those goals. I will help you create an action plan that will help you overcome your personal roadblocks and find an amazing relationship.
And at the end of the session we’ll discuss my coaching and matchmaking programs — to see if my services will help you reach your goals!
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